Thursday, January 26, 2006


Thank you everyone soooo much for the many supportive emails and phone calls today...wonderful to feel so loved and cared about during this difficult time. And thank you too for allowing me to vent about the divorce, etc. Some days when "my cup overfloweth," I just want to scream...but I never want Max to feel any stress or negativity. Only good vibes around my sweet lil' man! :) So it helps to know my family and friends are there to listen to me vent and then pick me back up...thank you!

Today is yet another "cup overfloweth" day unfortunately. One of my best friends back in Virginia, Kirstin, has a nephew, Ryan, who has been in the hospital since birth. (We already shared so much, it was so odd to share this ICU experience with her.) Ryan is just four months old and has been suffering from heart and blood clot issues. Tooday I learned he is not going to make it. His clots are worsening and now he has another infection. I literally screamed when I heard this news...enough is enough. We have seen too many babies die this year. I am trying to understand that our bodies some times just are not equipped to last, but it feels like death has been all around us. What a naive world I lived in before....I just assumed all babies were born healthy and happy. I was just nervous about knowing how to breastfeed or would my baby cry a lot, etc. What a reality check this year has been.

My heart goes out to Ryan's family...I can't believe I never had the opportunity to meet him. Please keep him and his wonderful, loving parents, Danielle and John (and aunt Kirstin) in your thoughts and prayers. What an incredible loss for all of us.

Additionally, Max is confusing me today. His heart rate has been much higher than usual during sleep and his O2 requirements are higher too. Hmmm...I have a call into the doctor's office and as soon as Max wakes up from his nap, I am driving him to the hospital for some lab tests. We'll see. I am hoping that I am just being paranoid, but I think something might be up.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring peace, health, and only good news!


Drew said...

Hi Amy,

I'm so sorry to hear about Ryan. My heart goes out to Kirstin and her whole family.

I hope Max is doing better tomorrow.


Juliet A. Terry said...

You continue to amaze me with your compassion for others after everything Max and you have been through. The world could learn a lot from you. My prayers are with Max, as always, and little Ryan.


Meredith said...


I am so sorry to read about Ryan. My thoughts and prayers go out to Kirstin and her family. Thanks for letting us know about him.

I hope little Maxi-Max is feeling better soon!

Love, Meredith

Suzanne Holman said...

Dear Amy and Max,
You never cease to amaze me!
Step by step from your bedrest all the way until we brought Max home on Dec 21 just in time for Christmas many challenges and so many victories for Mighty Max! Now at home you are showing tremendous strength and courage as you have taken on the responsibility of so much care for the little guy. It is wonderful to see how he is growing and thriving at home with you. Now that I'm back in Phoenix and not seeing all of you everyday, I love when the new photos pop up on the blog. He just gets cuter and cuter!!!
Love to you, Amy and to our beloved Mighty Max!

tammara said...

I so admire your strength and courage. Max is such a lucky child to have such a courageous mom!!
I have never responded to a blog before, but your story is so compelling.
My prayers are with you and Max.

Anara said...

You have to wonder what kind of lesson we are suposed to learn when we have a baby and then go through soooo much only to have that baby go back to Heavenly Father before we get the chance to know them and love them long enough. But we are never to ask why, just have faith that everything happens for a reason and only Heavenly Father knows what that is. I was watching a show last night and the story line was that of a Mother who lost her 21 year old son to drugs and she couldn't cop with it. She finally went to see his body before creamation and she broke down, her cries were so heart wrenching that I cried and cried. Then I wrote a poem, some times that helps me to work through the pain.
I pray every day that you and Max will find peace and happiness soon!! It's very difficult to stand by and watch you have to go through this by your self, I know that you have family and friends all around you, but issentialy at the end of the day, it's you and Maxwell surrounded in Heavenly Father's loving embrace.
I love you two!!!! XOXOXOXOXO

Dana said...

Amy and Max~

I am very sorry to hear about Ryan. I will keep his family in my prayers.

You are such a wonderful person. I always wanted to thank you for having faith in me to run Curves. It has been such a rewarding experience. I miss you and our talks. Give baby Max a hug and kiss for me. Hugs to you too!