Thursday, March 02, 2006

DIVORCE UPDATE

Thanks everyone for your continued support on this very painful and frustrating issue.

Today I am having to work on some divorce matters and I thought it was about time I brought you up to date. Many of you have emailed me asking what is going on with the divorce, when will it finally be over, is he being agreeable, etc. I have hesitated on posting anything lately to avoid the "not so sweet" emails afterwards from my soon to be ex. (He says the blog should be called "bashvicupdate.com" which many of my friends said they would love to put together!!! Boy would that be an interesting website!!!)

Unfortunately he doesn't understand the impact of his actions on Maxwell and how relevant it is to our daily life. The more stress he brings to my life and the more financial struggle we endure, the less I can fully give to Maxwell emotionally, physically and financially. And I don't want anything to impact him negatively and I will fight tooth and nail to get what we deserve so that Max has the very best chances for a good and happy life.

Anyway, all I care about at this point is getting a fair distribution of our assets and equal financial support since I cannot work due to Max's health and development. Fortunately he is paying what the court is ordering him to pay at this point (not a fair division but at least it is something), but there is much more to be discussed. He has no concept of what is needed in Max's life, but hopefully he will see the light someday. I keep encouraging him to get involved and learn more about CHARGE, his care, etc. but recently I have begun to give up that effort because it was proving to be fruitless.

What is frustrating in the divorce is that I built my businesses (we own 8 Curves together back in WV/PA) and now he is getting 50/50 of them. In WV law, it supposedly doesn't matter if someone caused the divorce (adultery, etc.), it still is 50/50 distribution. Then he bought five additional businesses while Max was in the hospital undergoing numerous surgeries. Unbelievable, right? I know. So while I will be staying at home with Max for years to come (and living on limited alimony/child support), my soon to be ex will be advancing his career, building business equity and increasing his wealth. Understand the frustration?

I would LOVE to be working...I absolutely loved my career and miss it tremendously! But I know that Max's health and development is the #1 priority...I wish others felt the same!

So I guess the next step is our "status conference" in a few weeks and then hopefully the final hearing will be in April. I was hoping to settle out of court. Unfortunately we have been unable to come to a resolution, which means I have to travel back to WV for the hearing leaving Maxwell behind (he is not stable enough to travel). I am not happy about that at all. I have no idea how I am going to do that...or how he will be cared for...most likely we will have to hire nurses to be with him 24/7.

It is ridiculous how long this has been going on. I was so hoping we could come to an agreement so this could be over once and for all and I wouldn't have to leave Maxwell for even a minute. My heart just breaks thinking about it!

I decided during this time to also change legal representation and am feeling very hopeful about their abilities, but of course that has required extra time and money to catch them up to speed.

It is so absolutely frustrating it is to be dealing with all of that while trying to celebrate Max's progress in so many areas these past few weeks. But I guess we gotta do what we gotta do!!!

Anyway I best run to work a little more on these divorce issues...and then when Max wakes back up, we need to make our nearly daily run to the drug store for prescriptions! And then back home for lots of therapy and hopefully baby food tasting!

9 comments:

Anara said...

OH MY!!! This really has turned into a big mess, I know you really wanted to get it all done and over with the easy way, I'm really sorry it isn't going to happen that way. I will keep praying that the light clicks on soon..
More tast testing, that sounds like fun, your quit the little man now with bibs and a spoon.... You go Maxi!!
Give Max a spoon of something really good for Auntie Anara along with hugs, kisses and snuggles.
I love you two!!!!

ang said...

Amy,
my heart breaks for you, because of what you must endure from your ex. it is a shame that he and other parents like him cannot wake up to the fact of what is necessary to care for special needs children. I will continue to say prayers that God soften's ex's heart and takes the stupid stick upside this mans head and says wake up before it's too late. (But I guess that would effect free will) I will continue to pray for strength for you and maxwell, and God gives you both (you and mighty max) the financial resources, and EMOTIONAL/PHYSICAL support needed to endure this difficult time.

We've never met but you are a HERO to me and my son. Thank you Amy and Max..

Heather said...

I think men don't get it all the time unless it is in their face, and he can live life normally while you raise his son across the country. Kharma will get him. Have you googled his name, sounds like his name is mud in the state of WV.
And I can't stand that he calls this blog "bashvic" when 99% is about Max! He is clearly only focused on himself when all he can see written here is about himself.
Go get 'em Amy, I know being Max's mom has made you a champion fighter!

Drew said...

Amy,

I'm sorry you are not able to focus 100% on Maxwell. It's a real shame that he is able to continually cause you pain and emotional distress. All I can say is that THANK God Maxwell has such a strong Momma.

What an ego, huh? I can think of one, maybe two times (and I read every post) that you even slightly mentioned on this blog the 800lb gorilla in your life that is your divorce. Yet, this...guy (I can't disgrace Max's blog by saying what I really think of him) thinks the blog is about him!!!! Unbelievable! Anyway, I thought of starting the blog he wanted to see, but I could come up with some far better names than "bashvicupdate."

See ya soon!!!
Drew

Ruthie said...

Love your heart. If any of us could fix this or make him wake up and see the light we would. Just so that you and Max could focus on the important things. Hopefully this new lawyer will bring new strength to your overwhelmingly right and deserving requests.
We are all on your side and thats alot of people. Hang in there-
Take care-

Sara B said...

Ugh!! I won't say anymore...but, oh.my.god. UGH!!! He drives me batty...and it brings me great pleasure to still picture him with 'the stache'. Glad I could hangout with you last night, you my friend, and yes I'm about to be serious, are amazing, please don't forget that! And if you need a reminder, met me know, I'll do my best Amy talking to Max pep talk! Love you lots Lady!
Sara

Steph said...

OK...I just have to type this. He's such a pig it makes me sick. If I think about it anymore right now my blood will boil. You paying attention, West Virginia voters? He's pathetic.

Amy -- hopefully soon this "man" (I use that term VERY loosely) won't be able to hurt you anymore.

We love you and are so excited to see you and Maxwell! (Drew's coming for part of the week...yay!)

xoxo Steph

lisa salisbury said...

God promises us in His word that He will never leave us nor forsake us. You and baby Maxwell are in my prayers every day.

YOu are an amazing mom and an amazingly strong woman -- you will survive this!!

MarkCoyle said...

If any of you want to lay into Vic Sprouse (*I call him Vic Mouse because he is a mouse of a man), you can email the louse at vic@vicsprouse.com. You can call his Senate office at 304-357-7901. I am sorry to say I voted for him three times in my life. I thought he was different. He's a fraud and should be tossed out of office on his rear-end! This is coming from a man too. NOT all men are like this. It takes a man to be a father and Vic has shown himself to be anything BUT a "man."