LOOKING BACK AT LAST YEAR

This time of year brings back many emotional memories from 2005. October and November were two very difficult months...to put it mildly.

Maxwell endured his Gtube and Nissen surgery and experienced multiple complications afterwards. Then once he stabilized and returned to the general floor, he started to crash and was intubated for the next two long months.

I remember clearly some moments when we were just not sure he was going to make it in the long run. (I never wanted to admit that at the time, but looking back I was probably in a little denial...ok a lot. Or perhaps it was just good ol' Mommy intuition?) I also was constantly worried about his quality of life...would he ever smile, would he ever play, would he ever know who I am? I didn't want to keep him alive just to have him alive. And at times, it was feeling that way.

Now it is so incredibly strange to think of Maxwell not being here with us. I simply cannot imagine a life without my beautiful, amazing little man.

And he certainly has far surpassed everyone's expectations on his development!!! I know that we are still very behind, but man oh man is he trying hard every day to reach his goals! His determination is remarkable! And smiles, playing, and loving? It's now an every day thing!

For a snapshot of what life was like for Maxwell a year ago, here is a link:
http://maxupdate.blogspot.com/2005_10_09_maxupdate_archive.html