ANOTHER DIFFICULT NIGHT

Max finally just drifted off to la la land, so I have a quick second to post about how he is doing and also use this opportunity to vent...much needed, trust me! :)

It was another fun filled night in the McKinley household...when will the fun ever end???

Max whimpered and cried throughout the night with severe gas pains and a fever of 102. The fever has yet to subside, so we are heading to the doctor's this afternoon for more tests, xrays, etc. The fear is that perhaps something is going on with his lungs or he has a bladder infection, etc. etc. etc. His oxygen needs are all over the board, so who knows what is going on there. He keeps us guessing, that's for sure. It was such a sad and exhausting night. Nothing seemed to make him feel better. Usually if I hold him, all is well, but not last night. He was a very uncomfortable, unhappy lil' kiddo.

Then this morning...after pretty much a sleepless night, I check my email while I am on hold with the doctor's office. And here comes another irritating email from my soon to be ex arguing that he cannot afford to pay what I need to take care of Maxwell. He will only provide a limited amount of alimony unless the judge forces him to do otherwise. So it's not like Max and I will be on the streets, but I will have to use our divorce settlement (the businesses that I built) to pay bills...and eventually that money will be gone. It just isn't fair...he continues to live the same life he always has, yet I am supposed to have no life and just "get by" on very minimal income. It's like he just can't grasp the concept that we MUST find a way...you just can't say "no." What does he expect me to do? This is our son and he is our responsibility. He's not even wanting to discuss different options.

I'm so tired of wasting energy and anger on this divorce...my efforts need to be focused solely on Maxwell. We sent him a settlement offer last week in hopes of just getting this over and done. I had learned he actually moved in with his girlfriend just a few months after leaving me, so I was hoping that perhaps he would be motivated to settle so he could move on with marriage plans with her or whatever. I am probably giving more details than necessary (trust me there are much more but not appropriate to include here!) but I am just so irritated this morning. Anyway I was hoping he would agree with me just to find a compromise and get this settled...but nope, he insists we will fight it out in court and I have to fly back to WV. Have I stressed just HOW irritated I am with this man???

He has not even asked about Maxwell for nearly five months...he visited him for a few days in early December and we haven't heard from him (regarding Maxwell) since. A million and one emails and calls about the divorce, our businesses, financial issues, etc. but absolutely nothing about Max. So odd. I keep hoping that something will trigger a fatherly instinct in him to care for him and love him...I even give him heads up about medical issues but he never responds. I just don't get it. I have tried to keep him included, but he apparently just does not want to be. How in the world could you stay away from this precious lil' boy? How could you not set aside your differences and get involved in every way possible?

Sorry for going on and on, but some days I am just stunned with his behavior and I feel like I am being betrayed all over again. We don't deserve this treatment...period. Max and I certainly have done nothing wrong and yet we are the ones getting punished.

Well, Max's speech therapist will be here any minute, so I must run...hopefully Maxwell is up to at least a little therapy. We'll see! At least it will be a good distraction from this morning's irritation. :)